Many people get stuck in comparing themselves to others and feeling that they don’t “measure up”. This, of course, leads to feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, sadness, anxiety and general dissatisfaction with themselves and their life. Learning ways to stop comparing yourself to others can benefit you tremendously and can lead to feeling more content with yourself, less envious of others and more focused on what you need to do in your own life, regardless of what others are doing.
Here are some simple steps to try gaining control of “comparison” thoughts:
1. NOTICE when you are having thoughts that are comparing yourself, your situation or your relationship with others.
2. STOP the thought and re-focus on what it’s saying about yourself. For example, if you find you are thinking that your friend has a better job, house, or relationship than you do, then you can notice the thought, stop the thought and say to yourself – what is it I really want? Is it really a better house? A better boyfriend or better job? Or is it a sense of pride in what I do have? A wish to feel more satisfied with life.
3. SET A GOAL FOR YOURSELF – you can be more intentional about seeking ways to feel good about yourself, your accomplishments or your relationship/career/family. Instead of looking at others’ situations or relationships, take stock of your own and what you want – what is missing, what is going well, what might you do to improve your situation.
4. WORK TOWARDS YOUR GOALS: Once you have a goal of stopping the comparisons, try to appreciate what you do have or how to let go of your negative comparisons. Make sure to keep that goal in mind and reward yourself with positive thinking and thoughts.
REMEMBER, you are the one in control of your thoughts – no one else. The more you understand why you compare yourself to others and how to stop them, the more confident you will feel about reaching your goals, being content with yourself and what you do have and learning to live life more fully.